How often do you go out for Cinco de Mayo? I mean, yes, once a year, because that’s how often it is, but what I’m talking about here is how many times HAVE you gone out for Cinco de Mayo in your life? Perhaps you are some sort of young person and have the stamina to go every year and make a fool of yourself, or maybe you are like me and just don’t have the patience to wait in line forever so you went out this year because you hadn’t been out on actual Cinco de Mayo in who knows how many years and figured, hey, you write for a nacho website, you ought to get on the ball here right? Right indeed, so I decided to hike up my pants, empty my nachos stomach, and head out to Plaza Azteca on the evening of May 5th.

In the sleepy west of the woody east is a valley called the Pioneer, home of the largest public university in New England, the University of Massachusetts Amherst (it’s educational). It is also home to infamous radio station WXXT, a park with a bunch of fossilized dinosaur footprints along a riverbank, and The Quarters, which google tells me is the only “barcade” in central Massachusetts. The Quarters in turn is known for being the only place, possible in the world, where you can get Tetris Tater Tot Nachos.

I am a gentleman who likes sampling a tequila or two, or through the place I go to in town with the Tequila Club, over 100 different kinds. Indeed, undoubtedly there is another parallel dimension where instead of Nachonomics there exists a Tequilanomics and I have become a horrible alcoholic. This isn’t that however, and I always figured that an establishment with 100 tequilas would be as tequilaey a restaurant as I would find in my life, and it was. Until I found La Campana.

Mike’s Donuts & Chicken of Kenosha Wisconsin recently made both Internet and nacho history by producing the first ever nacho donut. Not being a native Wisconsinite and finding myself in the area I could not pass up an opportunity to try one of these, and looking up the menu online (Hey all restaurants, if you have a website, put your damn menu on it) and seeing actual nachos on it, get those too. Dinner and dessert were to all have been taken care of, but it was not meant to be.